


give me something I can't live without

by ThisIsOnYouPrincess



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:06:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2906996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsOnYouPrincess/pseuds/ThisIsOnYouPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke watched as Bellamy's life was turned upside down when they were eighteen.<br/>Now, four years later, he's starting to get things the right way up.<br/>But he needs her to get the final - and most key - pieces in order.<br/>He's asking for things that she doesn't know she's capable of.<br/>But she has never really been able to deny him, has she?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

**Author's Note:**

> Right so this my new story.  
> As you've probably noticed, if you read any of my other fics, I do not do multi-chapter works.  
> I stick to one shots, because I can finish those, and I know they won't end in disaster.  
> I'm really hoping this goes well...

_I think— I think when it’s all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know?_ _It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, but it just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It’s not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it. And... crazy thing is, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again. But I don’t know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks.. so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that, when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him, it was losing me._

Clarke cries on a boy’s shoulder. He is tall and broad like a man but has the eyes and curls of a child. He is a contradiction in himself, gently aggressive, beautifully destructive. The oxymorons can go on and on. She has just lost her father, the most important man in her life. 

Bellamy curls his arm around the shoulders of a princess. He kisses her hair, so softly that she doesn't notice, and his fingers make patterns on her arm, clothed in expensive black fabric. He murmurs promises he will never get the chance to keep, with the best intentions in the world. He tells her things will get better. Things get worse, for both of them. 

18 months later, Bellamy throws a punch at a wall, enraged, but more than that. Pertubed, dismayed beyond any stretch of the imagination. A dark-haired, stormy-eyed little girl stands behind him, scared and wanting a mother that will never come home. Police knock on the door, waiting to take her away. 

He has lost his mother, although a part of him knows that he lost her a long time ago. The love of his life has just sped away in a convertible, with shaking hands and a cynical heart. He is less than three minutes from losing his sister, the point from which everything in his universe revolves. 

Meanwhile, Clarke drives across the country. The view is obscured and blurry, but she doesn't care. All she cares about is getting away from the memories. Away from the King who fell to his death, and the Queen who allowed him to. Away from the Prince who perished before he got the chance to save a princess. 

Away from the knight who tried gallantly to keep her from breaking, but shattered her in his efforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right.  
> So that was a mini (really mini, I swear the chapters get longer) insight into the background (which will be developed, don't worry). Chatper 1 will be up sometime soon, hopefully.  
> Title taken from 'Give Me Something' by Alex and Sierra. Chapter title and opening paragraph taken from the music video of 'I Knew You Were Trouble' by Taylor Swift.  
> Kudos and Comment to let me know what you think!


	2. come back, come back to me like you would before you said it's not that easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 4 years since Clarke Griffin last saw Bellamy Blake.  
> For 4 years she has told herself that she barely remembers him.  
> For 4 years she has lied to herself.  
> Now, she has to face the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the chapter summary makes it sound a lot more dramatic than it really is (that's kind of my specialty).  
> Basically this is just an introduction to what this story is really going to be about.  
> Enjoy.

Clarke had told herself - and everyone else - that she barely remembered Bellamy anymore. It wasn’t exactly a lie, either. She was unable to recall the exact shade of his eyes - just that they were brown. She could never quite imitate the low timbre of his voice in her head - it wasn’t the same. She had stopped trying a long time ago. 

He was one large heartbreak, in the midst of two even larger ones. She could remember him, sure. she could remember him just fine. But she could not recall what seemed like every childhood memory, like she could with Wells; she didn’t have every plane of his face memorised, like she did with Finn. He was there. She loved him - maybe. She definitely cared for him, a lot.  

On paper, Bellamy had been a placeholder. The boyfriend she had between the treachery of Wells and the deceit of Finn. At the time it hadn’t felt like that. He was her life. He made everything - her father’s death, and then Wells’ death, her mother’s betrayal - bearable. She in turn understood the pain he went through at the passing of his mother, and his own friend, Atom. Clarke and Bellamy. Bellamy and Clarke. They were… comfortable, natural. They each chased away the other’s demons. The bad boy and the good girl - a well-loved cliché.  Then high school had ended, and Clarke’s heart had broken. She had gone to Yale and he had enlisted in the army to fight for his country. She dated Finn, he probably dated a string of girls. 

And yet here they are. 

Here they are and she’s finding that she remembers him in perfect detail. Seeing his face is like unlocking a door that had long been shut. She’s learning that maybe she hadn’t forgotten Bellamy, maybe she had shut him away until she was ready to deal with him. 

She was not ready to deal with him. 

Yet here she is, sitting facing him in a café. He is home from tour, she has finished her pre-med course. So they’re here together. 

And every detail of him and their relationship - everything she has not thought about since she met Finn 4 years ago, everything she’d thought she had forgotten - is back in her head. 

She could see Bellamy, in perfect focus, poring over a history book in his kitchen as she studied beside him. Sitting on the other side of the lunch table and holding her hand lightly, laughing at something that Jasper had said. He could not draw for the life of him, but he’d doodle on Clarke’s arm whenever he was bored - she was always reluctant to wash it away, a piece of his mind written on her skin exclusively for her. Shouting over something stupid. Arguing over minuscule problems. Teasing each other relentlessly. Watching Octavia cry with his fists curled into tight balls, wishing he could make it go away. In his bedroom, yelling down the phone at a guy called Murphy who Clarke had not met more than twice but hated instinctively. At the prom, twirling Clarke around and around and laughing when she got dizzy and had to lean on his shoulder to stay upright. Kissing in corners and hidden crevices. Talking to a little girl called Charlotte at the zoo, taking a stranger’s child to see the lions, teaching her to not be afraid. Helping Octavia roll out cookie dough for school projects. Brushing Clarke’s hair out of her eyes, holding her hand tightly whilst she cried on the anniversary of her father’s death. Punching the wall and breaking his hand when his mother died and he was left with an empty house and a stolen sister. Being able to do nothing but watch as Octavia is pulled out of his arms and placed into a stranger’s. Snapping at Clarke. Breaking up. getting back together. Holding her face in his hands, watching her with soft eyes. Making promises he couldn’t keep - promises he had no intentions of keeping. 

Ripping Clarke’s heart from her chest, making her watch as he stood on it, parading his bloody hands around town. 

He has changed, that much is obvious. His voice is rougher, his hands more calloused - dirtier, if that’s possible. His brown eyes are colder, although when they fall on her they still melt like chocolate. The lines of his face are more harsh, more aware than they were when he left Arktown. 

“I got Octavia back.” He breaks the silence, watching Clarke’s face from across the table. 

“Bellamy,” Clarke’s lips part and her eyes light up. “I’m _so_ happy for you, really. If you need anything - _anything_ at all, let me know please. You know I’ll do anything for y- her.” She smiles, and it’s genuine. 

“That’s, uh, that’s actually what I called you about.” Bellamy’s eyes are set on the table, not on hers. “Look, I know that you’ve not long come home, and I swear to you I’d have probably called you anyway because - uh, yeah - but I need help.” He lets all the words out in one breath, a very un-Bellamy-like action. 

“What do you need, Bellamy?” Clarke’s voice is as soft as it has been since - well, she can’t remember. “What can I help you with? You know I’ll do it.” 

“You don’t know what it is yet.” Bellamy lets out a laugh, but it’s twisted and cynical and everything a laugh shouldn’t be. 

“Try me.” 

“Okay. I need you to be my girlfriend. Again.” Clarke’s eyes widen and then narrow. 

“I’m sorry. But I don’t understand how this is going to help Octavia.” Her voice has returned to cold, her default setting as of late. Bellamy closes his eyes briefly before they flash to her. 

“I know what this looks like - honestly I do - but they don’t think I’m safe enough - _sane_ enough, to care for her myself. They’ll only let me have her if I have a - uh, partner.” His eyes are abashed, but not ashamed. “Look, Prin- Clarke, it’s for Octavia. You know I wouldn’t come to you for any other reason. _Please?_ Do this one thing for me and I swear you’ll never have to see me again.” 

“Why me?” Clarke’s voice is weak, helpless. She hates it. 

“You’re the most believable. Octavia loves you, she remembers you. She knows I love-d you. Everyone does. I swear to God, I’ll do everything you want me to, and if you never, ever want to see either of us again at the end of it, that’ll be it. I’ll be out of your life. For good.” _For good._ The words ghost over Clarke’s lips and she feels a pang in her chest. She can’t say no to this. She knows that Bellamy will go to hell and back for his baby sister. She knows that he will not ask for help under any circumstance. She knows that coming to her would stir up memories that he never wanted back on the surface. 

He is clearly desperate. 

She has to help him. 

“What do we need to do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that?  
> Chapter title is from 'If This Was A Movie' by Taylor Swift (chapter titles have more artist diversity after this, I swear).  
> Comment and kudos to let me know what you think.  
> I'll see you this time next week, hopefully.


	3. how could I forget you painted stars into the sky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 years ago, Clarke painted the sky for Bellamy and his sister.   
> And soon, she'll have to do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I don't even know what that chapter summary is like what? I didn't know how to summarise it so I just did that.   
> SO ya, enjoy the chapter.   
> It's a flashback to like 5 years before the current date if you didn't guess, it's before (just like 6 months before) Clarke and Bellamy broke up and Clarke left for college, Bellamy left for the army.

_Bellamy opened the door of their house - half-opened, he was guarded - with sleep still in his eyes and no shirt on. He was greeted by a peck on the lips and a laugh at his surprised expression._

_“Um… Hi, Princess?” He said, a little - a lot - groggily. She had cans of paint stacked around her and brushes in a bag beside her._

_“Hey, Bell. Octavia isn’t home, right?” Clarke knew that Bellamy’s mother wasn’t home. She was a great mom - when she was home, which she often wasn’t._

_“No, she’s at Roma’s for the weekend, why?” Bellamy was still tired. “Is that what you came over for?”_

_“No. I’m gonna surprise her.” Clarke smiled, her eyes glinting._

_“Princess, what’re you doing?” Bellamy asked, resigned._

_“You’ll see. Go back to bed, Bell. I’ll wake you later.” She pecked his lips once more, picked up the paint cans and hobbled inside the house, making a beeline for Octavia’s room._

_“What’re you doing?” He called after her._

_“Just get the stuff out of the car and bring it to O’s room. You can go back to sleep and I’ll do what I’m doing.” She called back. He did. He carried paint and brushes and dust sheets as well as a ladder that was bigger than Clarke was._

_Clarke didn’t wake Bellamy. He woke himself and made him breakfast. He called up to see if she wanted any, but she didn’t. She was in the zone, and he knew better than to irritate her when she was like this._

_Thirteen hours later, Bellamy was still sat outside the room - just in case she needed anything - reading, when she emerged. She had paint - well, everywhere. On her cheeks, in her hair, on her overalls. She looked adorable, Bellamy thought to himself with a chuckle._

_“Done.” She said proudly. Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows._

_“Can I see now?” He said, confused as to why she needed a ladder to paint his sister’s bedroom. The walls were white, plain. Octavia liked it. “Why did you paint my sister’s bedroom?”_

_“I promised her we’d sleep under the stars,” she said, by way of explanation. He followed her back into the room and couldn’t breathe with the shock. It was beautiful._

_Octavia had always wanted to sleep outside, but because it was winter break, and it was snowing, Bellamy told her she couldn’t, even though Clarke had promised that they would. She wasn’t happy with either of them._

_Clarke had fixed that. She’d painted a mural across the entire ceiling of Octavia’s bedroom. The night sky, complete with galaxies and a kaleidoscope of colours that only Clarke Griffin could paint accurately._

_“Oh my God, Clarke.” He breathed, “it’s gorgeous. She’ll love it.”_

_“I hope so.” Clarke smiled, staring at the ceiling. “I promised her, so I had to do something to make it happen. I was thinking that maybe we could get fairy lights or something-”_

_“Yeah. Yeah whatever you want. I just - I can’t believe you did this for us.” He shook his head. “The money in supplies- How much?” He asked, his voice strained. Clarke whipped her head to look at him._

_“Nothing.”_

_“Clarke-”_

_“No, Bellamy. There’s no charge.” Seeing his look, she added, “I’d do this for any one of my friends. But it’s you, Bell. I didn’t do it for the money. I did it because- I did it because I love you.” Her eyes were fixed on his shoes, but he tilted her chin up, laughing a little. “I love both of you, you and Octavia. In different ways, of course.” She rambled but he cut her off, not without affection._

_“God, Princess. I love you, too. Thank you so much. She’s gonna love it. I want you to be here when she sees it.”_

_“No, Bell, honestly, it’s fine-”_

_“Princess, I need you to be here, please.” His eyes melted hers._

_“Of course.” She said softly. “I’ll be here tomorrow when she gets home.”_

 

_That’s how they found themselves curled up on the couch 17 hours later, when Octavia first walked through the door, chattering about nothing to nobody in particular. She was nine years old and pretty much a walking chatterbox, talking to everybody and anybody she could._

_“Hey, Clarke! What’re you doing here?”_

_“We’ve got something to show you, O.” Bellamy smiled fondly at his sister, who Clarke thought looked so much like him it was bizarre._

_“What? Did we get a dog? Did we? Bell? I know you said no but well I asked and-”_

_“No, Octavia, you didn’t get a dog.” Bellamy chuckled. “Now c’mon. Clarke did something for you.”_

_“What? Thank you, Clarke.” She said, grey eyes wide and fixed on her brother’s girlfriend._

_“You don’t even know what it is.” Clarke frowned at the little girl._

_“Yeah, but you still did something for me. You could have spent that money and time on yourself.” Bellamy was slightly freaked to hear his mother’s words escaping his sister’s mouth, but in a pleasant way._

_“It’s no problem, Octavia. Really. Now come on. I want you to see it.” Clarke reached out and the smaller girl took her hand with no hesitation. Bellamy smiled. His sister was very guarded, when her age was taken into consideration, and he was glad she’d accepted Clarke as a part of their lives. She was talking to her now, her words coming out 100 miles per hour._

_“Take a breath, O.” Bellamy laughed. “She’s not going anywhere.”_

_“I’m not?” Clarke raised an eyebrow and Bellamy rolled his eyes._

_“Of course you’re not.” He said, like any other reply was absurd._

_“OhMyGodClarkethankyousomuchiloveitbellamydidyouseeitcanyouseeitIdon’tevencarethatmyroomsmellslikepaintitlooksamazing.” Octavia gushed and Bellamy laughed at Clarke’s attempts to nod and smile and pretend like she could understand the words coming out of his sister’s mouth. Bellamy placed a hand on the small of Clarke’s back._

_“I told you she’d love it.” He murmured._

_“Thank you so much, Clarke,” Octavia’s eyes were wide and sincere. She was looking at the blonde girl like she just hung the moon and stars - which she kind of did. “I love it.”_

_“I did promise you we could sleep underneath the stars one night. We can do it for real in summer.”_

_“You’ll still be around in summer?” Octavia asked, her eyes wide. Clarke opened her mouth but shut it again._

_Bellamy knew why. Clarke didn’t lie. She didn’t make promises that she didn’t intend to keep._

_“Of course she will.” Bellamy answered for her. Clarke looked at Bellamy, her eyes asking the same question as Octavia. He nodded, because he truly meant for her to be there in the summer. He pressed a kiss to her temple and she leaned into him as Octavia barrelled into them, her arms wrapping tightly around Clarke’s midsection._

_“Bell?”_

_“Yeah, O?”_

_“Does this mean we can be a proper family?” Her voice was small, hopeful. Clarke’s heart broke at the sound of it._

_“Yeah, O. We’ll be a proper family.” And Clarke could hear that he meant it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so I hope you enjoyed that and it wasn't too confusing  
> Enjoy  
> Ly.  
> Comment and Kudos if you wanna.


	4. this one's for the lonely child, broken-hearted, running wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is seeing Octavia for the first time in 4 years.   
> Octavia has had a hell of life for the best part of half a decade.   
> She's not the girl that Clarke remembers.  
> But they do have common ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I suck at chapter summaries so ignore that and go on to the story if you will. Thanks :)  
> This kinda focuses on Octavia more than Clarke&Bell's relationship.   
> So ya  
> Enjoy

Clarke sits facing Octavia now. She is fourteen years old, wearing heavy makeup - _wow, just… eyeliner -_ and has an unimpressed look on her face. 

“Hey, _Clarke.”_ Her name is a snarl, and Bellamy kicks his sister’s chair beneath the table. 

“Hi, Octavia.” Clarke smiles softly, despite the younger girl’s attitude. _She’s been through a lot._ “How’re you?” 

“Not bad, considering I’ve been passed from pillar to post for three and a half years.” Octavia snarks. 

“Octavia, that’s _enough.”_ Bellamy says with finality. Octavia shrugs in a _it’s not my fault_ gesture. 

“How’d you two even get together, anyway? Last time you saw each other it wasn’t exactly pretty.” Octavia raises her eyebrows, inspecting a fingernail. Clarke hadn’t exactly expected hugs and kisses, but she hadn’t expected _this._

“We ran into each other in town.” Bellamy says, keeping his eyes on Clarke. He is telling _the_ story - the one they agreed on. “I wanted her back. I said as much. She agreed to give us a second try.” His sigh of relief almost sounds real. It would to anyone that didn’t know better. “You know I loved her, O. I’ve always loved her.” He says, his eyes still on Clarke. Octavia shrugs. 

“I know you did.” This is the softest Clarke has heard her voice since they sat down at the Blake’s dining room table - the same one she used to sit at, what seems like decades ago. “She loved you too.” Her eyes are narrowed and calculating, fixed on Clarke, deciphering her expression. 

“I still love him.” Clarke isn't exactly lying - she does love Bellamy, just not romantically. 

“Boyfriends, Clarke?” 

“Just your brother.” Clarke looks at Bellamy funnily. “He’s enough, thanks.” 

“No,” Octavia laughs, a half-chuckle under her breath. “I mean since Bellamy - since last time.” 

“One.” Clarke is being more honest than she probably should. “Finn. He, uh, he’s not here anymore.”

“Here?”

“Alive.” 

“Ah. You love him?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“I’m going to get a drink. You want anything?” Bellamy stands up abruptly. Both girls shake their heads, eyes intently on the other. 

“Please don’t mess him around again.” Octavia tells Clarke, her voice soft after her brother leaves the room. 

“I didn’t- He broke up with me.”

“Because he didn’t want you to break up with him first.” Clarke shakes her head. “Fine. Don’t believe me. It doesn’t make a difference to me anyway.” Octavia kicks back, resting her head on the top of the chair, eyes half-closed. 

“What happened to you?” Clarke can’t help whispering. “Where’s the sweet little girl that I used to know?” 

“She grew up.” Octavia stands as abruptly as her brother did and walks to her bedroom, but when Clarke follows her, she finds that the ceiling is still painted the same as it was 4 years ago, when Clarke did it. 

Octavia hadn’t painted over it, nor had Bellamy. When Clarke knocks once softly and walks into the room, Octavia’s makeup is on her cheeks.

“Go away.” 

“No.”

“You’re not my mom. Or my sister.” 

“No.” Clarke repeats softly. “But I’m your brother’s girlfriend. And I love you.” Octavia’s head lifts up slightly, but her eyes are harsh. 

“You know how many foster mother’s have said that to me?” She asks. Clarke shakes her head in a silent no. “Me neither. There are too many to count.” She shakes her head. “They all said it - for the money. They didn’t love me. Nobody does.” Her voice was small and broken, and Clarke is taken back to this same room, 4 years earlier, when the paint was still wet and Octavia was still innocent. 

“Your brother does.” Clarke tells her quietly. “Bellamy loves you so much, Octavia. He loves you more than anything in the world.” Octavia swallows and Clarke knows she’s making process. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because I know your brother, Octavia. And his love for you is one of the reasons I love him.” Clarke is being truthful - it was one of the reasons she loved Bellamy, she saw how he was with Octavia and all girls her age, because they all reminded him of her. 

Clarke had always wondered what it would feel like to be loved like that. She was never jealous of Octavia, she was proud that she was with someone who could hold so much raw emotion inside like Bellamy did. 

“You love him?” Octavia asks, eyes wide. She reminds Clarke of the girl she knew all those years ago, even with the heavy mascara and eyeliner that surrounded them, her grey eyes were the same. 

“I did.” Clarke admits. “I loved him a lot.”

“Do you still?” 

“I-I do.” Clarke shrugs a little. “I always will.” 

“He loves you too, you know. You wouldn’t still be here if he didn’t.” Octavia tells her, a little shyly. _I would._ Clarke wants to tell her. _You don’t know the things he would do for you, Octavia._ She doesn’t say anything. She just pats Octavia’s leg absently. 

“I loved you, too, you know?” Octavia tells her, some of the original snark back into her voice, but it was gentled by hurt. “You were the closest thing I ever had to a sister.” Clarke opens her mouth, to tell Octavia that she was the same to her, but the younger girl continues, her voice growing in ferocity by the moment. “Then you left. Just like dad. And mom. Every foster family I had in those three years. Just like everyone else. Eventually, even Bellamy left.”

“Bellamy left because he had to,” Clarke argues, defensive for him. “He didn’t have a choice. They wouldn’t give you back to him.”

“He didn’t have to join the army.” Octavia retorts. “He could have waited until they did.”

“It was that or jail.” Clarke tells her, she knows because he called Thelonious for legal help and he in turn told Clarke. “He couldn’t have sat around and waited. He’d have been waiting for a prison sentence, not you. He _hid_ you, Octavia, from the _police_ and social services. He could have gotten locked up for that. They gave him a chance. He was eighteen. You needed stability. It was the only shot he had at getting you back.”

“I didn’t know that.” Octavia admits. 

“Now you do,” Clarke shrugs with a sad smile. “You believe he loves you now?” 

“Do you think I’ll actually be able to come home?” Octavia asks, hope seeping into her voice. 

“If you don’t, I fully intend to kidnap you.” Clarke tells her, deadpan. Octavia laughs a little.

“Thanks,” She tells her meekly. “I’m sorry I was rude to you.” 

“It’s fine, Octavia. We’ll be fine. Okay?”

“Okay.” But her voice isn’t sincere, or believing. Clarke thinks they’re going to have to prove it as best they can. 

“Now I better go and check on your brother.” Clarke stands from the bed and she’s at the door before Octavia’s voice reaches her again. 

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?” She half-turns. 

“I don’t hate you.” Octavia says decidedly. “But don’t leave again.” Clarke nods, not saying anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that :)  
> It was kinda just to introduce Octavia so we can get to know her  
> And getting to know her situation  
> Comment and Kudos if you wanna.


	5. maybe if I got my timing right I won't end up alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah… Well, that’s why we’re working so hard for Octavia.” He smiles, rubbing the back of his neck. Clarke always did the small talk. How had he gone so long without her? “She’s my everything. They’re my everything. Have been for as long as I can remember.”

“Tell me again. Why weren’t we introduced to her straight away?” The social worker - ‘Call me Mia’ - asks. 

“Because I wanted to give her - and O - time to adjust. Clarke and I - we were together, well it was four years ago now?” Clarke nods. “And we - we didn’t want to drag anything up for Octavia. We just wanted to give it time, I guess.” 

“Time?” 

“Yeah,” Bellamy scratches the back of his neck. “I thought that maybe if I got the timing right - you know, with both of them - that I won’t end up alone. I’ll have the two girls I love more than anything else in the world by my side. Always.” 

“Mr Blake, with all due respect, your words are pretty, but at the end of the day, they are just words.” Mia tells him, her eyes on his. 

“What’re you saying?” He bristles. 

“I’m saying that unless you can prove that Octavia will be happy and safe with you and your - with you and Ms Griffin, I can’t release her into your permanent custody.” Mia casts her eyes down as Bellamy silently rages. Clarke places a calming but tentative hand on his knee. 

“We wouldn’t expect anything less.” She smiles, and Bellamy looks at her incredulously. She shoots him a look out of the corner of his eye and he stops. “Look, Octavia’s happiness - and safety - is all we want in the world. So if there’s anything we can do to make your job easier and get her back permanently, we’ll do it. No questions asked.” Mia’s eyebrows raised. 

“I wasn’t aware you cared so much for the child.”

“I would give Octavia my life.” Clarke says seriously, and nobody present would doubt it. “I love that child with all my heart. As Bellamy said, I have known this family for a long time. I have known Octavia since she was an infant, I have watched her grow up and I will not let her be taken away from everything she knows.” Her eyes are steely with determination and Bellamy idly thinks it’s a good look on her. Mia nods, respect clear in the set of her features. 

“Look, with all due respect, Clarke and I - all we want is this family together again. We’re a family, the three of us. We lost sight of that, yes, but we’ll learn from our mistakes, I swear we will.” His eyes meet Clarke’s and she nods at the lady across the table. 

“Well, Mr Blake, this is your chance to prove that.” She says cooly. “I hope you can - prove it, that is.” She stands and with one last smile thrown at them, says “I’d like to speak to Octavia, if you don’t mind.” 

“Sure.” Clarke says with a smile - you’d have to know her well to know it was forced - and turns to trot up the stairs. Bellamy is left in the room with Mia. The silence is uncomfortable. 

“So, um, how did you get into the business?” He asks her awkwardly. 

“I was a foster child growing up.” She says blandly. “It made me want to change the system.”

“Ah… Well, that’s why we’re working so hard for Octavia.” He smiles, rubbing the back of his neck. _Clarke always did the small talk._ How had he gone so long without her? “She’s my everything. _They’re_ my everything. Have been for as long as I can remember.”

“How long have you known Ms Griffin?” Mia asks. 

“Um… Well that would be since I was fifteen. So she was fourteen.” He nods. “We dated for about 18 months when I was sixteen or seventeen.”

“Not to be rude, but why did you break up, sir?” 

“God, I don’t even know anymore.” He rubs his face. He tries not to think about the night his heart was ripped from his chest. “She was going to college. She didn’t want to have to worry about me whilst she was gone. She didn’t want a long distance relationship. So she left. And then Octavia - she, uh, left. And finally, I left. We promised to get back in touch when we were home. We didn’t, at first. For a while there, I was terrified we never would. Then… we just did, I guess.” He shrugs, but doesn’t break eye contact with the lady. That’s the first sign of a liar, he thinks, and these are perhaps the first truths he’s told today about his and Clarke’s relationship. 

“Nice story.” Clarke comments from the stairs, Octavia standing next to her on the stair behind. 

“Yeah, not really.” He mumbles as she walks past and she laughs softly. She starts taking a seat but Mia shakes her head. 

“I’d like to speak to the child alone, please.”

“Of course.” She takes Bellamy’s hand and tugs him into the kitchen, where he mutters and grumbles until Octavia is let go. 

“How dare she… the cheek of it… telling us not to sit… in our own home…” Clarke smiles at this - _our_ home - “leaving Octavia on her own… She’s spent so long on her own… Promised I wouldn’t leave her… Not again…” Clarke lays a hand on his arm as he paces and he glances at her with a half smile. 

“Bell-amy.” She stutters over his name. “We’ll be fine. You know that? We’ll be perfectly fine.” He wants to hug her and kiss her, because that’s just what he needed. Reassurance. It seems that she always knows what he needs, even now after years apart.

“How do you know that?” He asks quietly. 

“Because I know you, Bell. You’re the best damn big brother out there.”

“I’m a fuckup, Clarke. Admit it. I failed you all. I fucked up being a son. Then a boyfriend. And _then_ a brother, the one thing I never thought I would - the one thing, I wouldn’t - I _couldn’t_ —” He breaks off, pushing a frustrated hand through his dark curls, aggravated.

“No. I won’t.” Her voice is quiet, much like his own. “I told you I’d never lie to you Bellamy. You’re an amazing brother, son and boyfriend - and now you’re an amazing fake boyfriend.” He laughs, kind of weakly, but she’ll take it. “And I know we’ll get Octavia. We will.” Her smile is so genuine and her eyes so honest that there is no room to resist her. So he grins at her instead.

“Of course we will. And when we do, we’ll be the best damn guardians ever.” 

“That’s right.” Her eyes were bright and Bellamy could practically see the Clarke-ish enthusiasm radiating from her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke threw her head back and laughed - a laugh that Bellamy hadn’t heard since her father died, hadn’t heard when she was with him, well… ever. He was walking with his arm slung over Clarke’s shoulder and with Octavia bounding in front of them and coming back every few minutes, yelling something she wanted. Bellamy would roll his eyes, but buy it anyway, spending the money he’d worked hard for with three different summer jobs and Clarke would offer to pay but never actually get to bringing her purse out before the vendor had Bellamy’s money between their fingers. She would frown and pout and he would roll his eyes and laugh, telling her “Not a chance, Princess”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is late (so, so late) and kinda bad because i was trying to have two updates ready so that the next one wouldn't be as late. I've got exams this week too so that should be fun.   
> This was just me kind of trying to show how life was (on a good day) with Clarke and Bellamy and Octavia before Clarke left and they broke up and everything basically went to crap.   
> SO yeah, have fun with them at the fair. I might extend this a little bit later on but I'm not sure, I kind of ran out of things to write.

_Clarke threw her head back and laughed - a laugh that Bellamy hadn’t heard since her father died, hadn’t heard when she was with him, well… ever. He was walking with his arm slung over Clarke’s shoulder and with Octavia bounding in front of them and coming back every few minutes, yelling something she wanted. Bellamy would roll his eyes, but buy it anyway, spending the money he’d worked hard for with three different summer jobs and Clarke would offer to pay but never actually get to bringing her purse out before the vendor had Bellamy’s money between their fingers. She would frown and pout and he would roll his eyes and laugh, telling her “_ Not a chance, Princess”. _The nickname would slide between his teeth easily and though she pretended to be bothered by it, Bellamy knew that now it was no longer tainted with malice, she had no problem with it._

_They laughed and smiled their way through the day, lost mothers and dead fathers out of their minds if just for a few moments. The weight of the world had fallen from Bellamy’s shoulders and the guilt that clouded Clarke’s eyes had evaporated._

_“No, Clarke. I’m not going on that… that thing.” Bellamy protested, as they stood in front of a roller coaster at the fair._

_“Come_ on, _Bellamy.” She pouted, her blue eyes shining._

_“No. I’m not going on it and neither is Octavia.” Octavia frowned, pulling at her brother’s sleeve._

_“Yeah, I am, Bell.” She protested, crossing her arms over her chest._

_“No, you’re not, O. It’s dangerous.”_

_“Oh come on, Bellamy. It’s perfectly safe, you’re just scared.” Clarke raised her eyebrow and Bellamy laughed forcedly._

_“Me? Scared? I think you got hit in the head too hard on the waltzers, Princess. I’m not scared.” He laughed._

_“Why won’t you go on it?” She challenged, her eyebrow raised as she looked up at him._

_“Octavia’s small! She could get hurt.” Clarke’s face was deliberately blank, to communicate to him how stupid he was being._

_“Why’s it so important to you, anyway?”_

_“Have you ever been on a roller coaster, Bellamy?”_

_“Answering a question with a question, Clarke?”_

_“Don’t pretend you didn’t do the same. Now c’mon,” Her tone was impatient as she tapped her foot. “what’s gojng on?”_

_“No. I’ve never been on one. Now answer me. Why’s it so important to you?”_

_“Because it’s amazing, Bell. It’s like one moment, your feet are on your ground and your head is in the right place and then it’s just… not. You’re flying and you’re in fresh air. The wind is messing up your hair and your skin is on fire but it’s great. It’s just for a few minutes, but you’re flying. You’re flying through the air and nothing and nobody can bring you down. When you’re up there, nobody can get to you. It’s… special.”_

_20 minutes later, the three children stumbled from the ramp leading back to the main area of the fair._

_“That was… something.” Bellamy admitted, rubbing the side of his head. “I hit my head though…” He continued to rub it with a small look of discomfort on his face and Clarke resisted the urge to coo over him._

_“Let me see,” She said instead, fingers immediately finding the side of his head, where his own were, knocking his own hand down to pry his hair apart, looking behind it. “No bruising or redness, look at me, Bellamy. You don’t seem to have a concussion. If you get dizzy or anything just tell me, yeah?” When she looked back at him, from looking back at his head, he was smiling._

_“What’re you smiling at?” She asked him self-consciously, and Octavia giggled from beside him. “What, Bell? O, do you know what he’s laughing at?”_

_“You’re just like your mom, Clarke.” She smiled at that. Abby Griffin was the stereotypical perfect lady, inside and outside of the house. She worked making people’s lives better, then she’d come home and still make dinner for Clarke and her father. She would still go to bake sales and work with PTAs and look after everything that needed to be seen to._

_She wasn’t at home all the time, but that was okay. Clarke understood why. Abby couldn’t come home, not with the memories of Jake looming over her 24/7. Clarke had the same problem, which is why she was always at the Blakes’ or at her friend Raven’s house. Before her father’s death, she spent all of her free time at Wells’ house, and the irony that she would go to Wells when she felt isolated by Bellamy but now finds herself at Bell’s house because she can’t speak to Wells is not lost on her._

_From best friend and enemy to enemy and best friend._

_The cycle was cruel, but some part of her was grateful, as it brought her Bellamy._

_The glares and silent brooding from Wells whenever he saw them together around the town. School was the one place that Bellamy wasn’t by her side, but nobody said anything to her anymore, as everyone knew she was his girl._

_Bellamy’s girl. She was never ecstatic about being anyone’s anything before, because she felt like it was constant, and demeaning of who she actually was. Wells’ friend. Abby and Jake’s daughter. Jaha’s niece._

_Bellamy’s victim._

_Bellamy’s girl._

_The second one is evidently preferable. And she can’t say she hates it because she - well, she doesn’t._

_She can be Bellamy’s girl and still be Clarke. For the first time._

_She was still adjusting to Bellamy being the one person she could be herself with and grow with, although she couldn’t say she hated it._

_He wasn’t her father, and he wasn’t Wells._

_But he was Bellamy, and that was enough._

_“Clarke! Clarke! Look, cotton candy!” Octavia sounded delighted. “Bellamy! Can we get some?” Bellamy looked sceptical. Clarke saw his hand go to the pocket where his wallet was kept absently and she smiled, knowing she could fix it._

_“C’mon, O, I’ll get you some.” Octavia’s face lit up but Bellamy’s fell._

_“Not a chance, Princess. I’m buying.” Clarke huffed._

_“No, you’re not, Bell. I haven’t spent any money since I started dating you and I have months worth of allowance to build up.” She shot a smile and a glance his way. “So, if you don’t mind, I need_ someone _to buy for.” She winked at Octavia and took her hand. “Now, blue or pink?”_

_“Pink, of course!” Clarke laughed._

_“Bell?”_

_“I’m okay thanks.” He smiled, putting his hands in his pockets jovially, shrugging a little as he watched his sister’s eyes light up with the most triumphant smile on his face._

_“Blue it is.” She smiled back at him. “2 pink and a blue please.” She smiled at the lady at the cotton candy stall, who obliged, handing her three bags of fresh spun candy._

_“Thanks.” She paid the lady and handed Bellamy and Octavia their respective bags._

_“Almost as sweet as you.” She laughed and rolled her eyes, but her cheeks were tinted pink anyway._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah that's that.   
> Hope you enjoyed it <3


	7. the rising tide helped me decide to change my name again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course he doesn’t like Clarke, she’s the one who broke his heart, 4 years ago, threw up a host of problems in his face and walked out like it didn’t mean a thing. Like he didn’t mean a thing.  
> He had never thought she was capable of that, listening to him so tentatively, caring so damn much, just to throw it up into his face when he hurt her, to hurt him back with 1000 times the malice, bringing up everything he had ever told her and using it as explanations for things that were completely detached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look at that. I'm on time for once.

Octavia throws her bag on the island counter in Bellamy’s kitchen, her brother turns and frowns at her. 

“What’s up?” He asks as she slides into the seat behind her school bag.

“I’m changing my name.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am! Octavia’s such a mouthful. Whose idea was it anyway?”

“Mine,” Bellamy grumbles defensively. “What’s wrong with it?”

“I stick out like a sore thumb and my name does _not_ help.” 

“That’s not your name, O.” Bellamy chuckles. “Look at you, you’re gorgeous.”

“That’s not why they were looking.” She sulks. Bellamy tilts his head.

“Why, then?”

“Because I’m the girl who was sent away after her mom died just to come back three years later! It’s not exactly normal, is it?”

“We’re not exactly normal, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us.”

“I’m changing my name.”

“Octavia…”

“It’s not working, Bellamy. Where’s Clarke?”

“Around town somewhere… I don’t keep tabs. She’s my girlfriend not my charge.” He shrugs. “Wait, tell me what’s up?”

“School.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s fine. It’s just not easy being the new girl.”

“You’re not the new girl… you’ve known these kids since the womb.” She throws a pointed look his way. 

_“Exactly,_ small towns talk, Bell.” He sighs. 

“I’ll speak to them?”

“No. No, Bell. Please don’t. I’d rather just sort it out for myself.”

“Okay, fine. But if it’s not worked itself out in a week I’m doing it myself, okay?”

“Let Clarke see to it, please?” Octavia bats her eyelashes and Bellamy grumbles inwardly. 

He never could resist those eyes. 

“Why Clarke?”

“Because she’s more… tactful.” Octavia winces a little and Bellamy laughs, he can’t argue. 

“Yeah, sure. Ask her when she comes in.”

“Is she living here?” Octavia asks, not missing the inevitability in her brother’s words. 

“No, not yet…” He winces at his own letdown. 

“Yet? Will she live here?”

“Maybe one day, O. Not so soon. I don’t wanna take it too quickly with her again.” Octavia nods. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” No, he doesn’t. But he can’t tell O that, he needs her to think so.

Bellamy Blake does not like Clarke Griffin (he actually doesn’t, this isn’t denial), he is coping with her, for Octavia - for himself, really, though he doesn’t want to admit it - to keep Octavia by his side. 

If he has to do the same with Clarke, for now, then so be it. 

Of course he doesn’t like Clarke, she’s the one who broke his heart, 4 years ago, threw up a host of problems in his face and walked out like it didn’t mean a thing. Like _he_ didn’t mean a thing.

He had never thought she was capable of that, listening to him so tentatively, caring so damn much, just to throw it up into his face when he hurt her, to hurt him back with 1000 times the malice, bringing up everything he had ever told her and using it as explanations for things that were completely detached. 

_She_ was completely detached, it left him wondering if he was the only one that thought the relationship would last, when he was being assaulted with arrow after arrow and he had no ammunition left to shoot back. 

“No, Octavia, I don’t.” And he genuinely means it. Octavia raises an eyebrow and her brother forces out a laugh to cover up his mistake. “I mean, yeah, I do. ‘Course I do, stupid.” He rolls his eyes. “Just not enough to have her move in yet.”

“You _love_ her.”

“I’ll always love her. That won’t change.” Octavia chuckles. 

“Told ya.” Octavia grins at her brother, he looks at her flatly.

“Of course, because you know everything.” Her laughter is contagious and they’re both leaning on the counter when Clarke saunters into the room, a mildly confused expression on her face. 

“How’d you get in?” Bellamy pulls away from the counter, looking at his false girlfriend with a real-false smile on his face. 

“Uh… Key?” She dangled a silver front door key identical to his own. “You gave it to me.” She clarifies, “I didn’t, like, take it whilst you slept and get it copied myself.” Bellamy laughs and rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, I gathered that, Princess. You’re nowhere near stealthy enough to carry that out.” Clarke rolls her eyes now. 

“Oh yeah? I might just have to prove you wrong, Bellamy Blake.” Is Bellamy mistaken or is that smile flirtatious?

No, it can’t be. God, Clarke hates him just as much as he hated her. Surely, she does. Jesus, it was Bellamy that tortured her for years, only to make her fall for him and then break her heart all over again. (It didn’t go that way, he swears it didn’t, but she never seemed to feel the same. They have a knack for blaming each other, it seems).

“What are you going to steal tonight then?” His eyes twinkle with mirth as he interacts with the girl that was once his world (or at least half of it).

“If I told you, that’d be cheating. Besides, I’d be sloppy if I did it tonight. Good burglars wait.” 

“And you have experience with this?”

“Of course I do. Med School’s tough, you know.” Clarke jibes with a laugh as she walks past him, nudging the side of his hip with hers to make her way to the fridge. She pulls it open before he can tell her not to and freezes. 

“Bellamy.”

“Clarke-”

“No, Bell.” The familiarity slips easily from her lips. “Why is your fridge empty?” 

“Let me explain-”

“Okay. Explain.”

“Octavia’s not long back, and you’re here and gone sometimes, we’ve been eating most meals out and then Octavia eats at school-”

“We’re going shopping.”

“No.” Bellamy’s eyes meet Clarke’s across the room. He doesn’t want to say the words - doesn’t want either of them to know the current economical situation in the Blake household, but it seems that Clarke already had an idea.

“Come on, Octavia. Put your jacket on, we’re going grocery shopping.”

“Can’t I stay home?”

“No,” Bellamy answers for Clarke. “That’s exactly the kind of thing social services are dying to pick up on. Please, O. Just come with us.”

_“Fine.”_ She grumbles, sliding off of her seat and leaving the room to get her coat. 

“Clarke-”

“I’m paying.” She reads his eyes as easily as she did when she was his other half.

“What?”

“I said I’m paying. I’ve still got that trust money and my dad’s stuff. I can always ask my mom-” Bellamy raises an eyebrow. 

“You two talking now?”

“Well, not exactly.” He heaves a sigh. 

“Clarke, it’s been four years.”

“Yeah well we were but then I had to go and drop out of Med-” She closes her eyes, as if realising her mistake the second the words slipped from her mouth. 

“You dropped out?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“No, Clarke.”

_“Yes,_ Bellamy. We can sort it out later; we’ve gone weeks without talking about it. It can wait a few hours until we’ve been shopping and sorted out Octavia.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Good”

“Good.”

“I’m ready!” Octavia calls. 

“Let’s go.” Clarke says, throwing her bag on her shoulder. Bellamy watches her, disbelief in his eyes - medicine was all she’d ever wanted to do; Clarke Griffin was _born_ to help people. She threw their relationship away to help people. 

So what was so significant that she threw Medicine away? What was so much more important than the one thing that was more important than Bellamy?

“Bellamy? Come _on.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics for the chapter title taken from 'Hudson' by Vampire Weekend.  
> It's a great song, check it out.  
> I don't really know the relevance to this chapter other than that lil moment with O at the beginning.  
> Hope you enjoyed it <3


	8. the blood of innocence burning in the skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke’s first kiss was… awkward, at best. It wasn’t fired with passion or love. It wasn’t fuelled by a rage or hatred. 
> 
> It was a kiss, between a fifteen and sixteen year old and it was her first real kiss ever - She was not counting that time that Wells tried to kiss her cheek and got her lips instead - and though it wasn’t his, it was his first kiss where he really liked the girl whose lips he was latched onto and it made him a little nervous. 
> 
> She would have teased him, if she wasn’t so damn nervous herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought it'd be nice to show the pair's first kiss and I didn't want it to be perfect, because despite fanfiction's desires - whose first kiss was?

_Bellamy and Clarke’s first kiss was… awkward, at best. It wasn’t fired with passion or love. It wasn’t fuelled by a rage or hatred._

_It was a kiss, between a fifteen and sixteen year old and it was her first_ real _kiss ever - She was_ not _counting that time that Wells tried to kiss her cheek and got her lips instead - and though it wasn’t his, it was his first kiss where he really liked the girl whose lips he was latched onto and it made him a little nervous._

_She would have teased him, if she wasn’t so damn nervous herself._

_It wasn’t like it was planned, not really. They were just at Bellamy’s house late into a study session one night. His mother was - on a rare occasion - not working, so she took Octavia to see a movie and Bellamy and Clarke had the house to themselves._

_Anybody else would have done something a little more… radical than kiss a girl he’d been waiting to kiss forever; Bellamy had friends who’d thrown parties in 2 hours and cleaned up whilst their parents had been out for the day, but that wasn’t him - he enjoyed a party as much as the next person, mind you, but he wasn’t really the throwing type. No, that was Jasper, his best friend. That kid just loved a good party and he said you could never get anything done unless you did it yourself… so he did it himself (down to homemade moonshine, thanks to Jasper’s other best friend, Monty, a computer geek that lived next door to Jasper and was never quite in Bellamy’s circle but not out of it either)._

_But anyway, Aurora and Octavia were out for the night and Clarke and Bellamy were currently curled up on the sofa, watching a movie. They were sharing a blanket but remained a respectable distance away from each other - neither too sure of the other’s feelings and unwilling to make themselves uncomfortable by trying to find out._

_And then Bellamy decided to be funny and change the channel as Clarke’s favourite part of Grease was coming up._

_“Bellamy! She’s just about to sing Hopelessly Devoted.” Clarke protested as Bellamy held the remote over the arm of the couch, out of her reach, with his trademark smirk playing on his lips._

_“How_ ever _will we live without hearing Sandy sing that song for the thousandth time this month.” Bellamy chuckled as Clarke strained even more against his chest to get the remote. She fell back and pouted and he shook his head._

_“Not gonna work on me, Princess.” He shrugged, his brown eyes twinkling. “You want the remote? You’re gonna have to come get it.” So that’s what Clarke did._

_The move was flawless, designed to distract Bellamy so she could grab the remote and make her escape._

_She hadn’t counted on it distracting her, too._

_So she leaned over him, casually dropping herself into his lap - to his surprise, his face was hilarious - and he raised his eyebrows. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his carefully, as if scared to do anything. He chuckled against her lips - one short breath over her face - and leaned in more, letting their lips collide properly. He wrapped his free arm around her back, pulling her more towards him, with the remote still clutched in his free hand, but within Clarke’s reach now as his guard slowly fell to pieces. So whilst they kissed, she reached out and grabbed the hand with the remote, entwining her fingers with his and placing the remote onto the arm of the sofa. Their mouths didn’t quite fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces falling into place. Their hands didn’t slide around each other effortlessly and Bellamy’s free hand got tangled a little in a loose thread at Clarke’s waist. She giggled more than she probably should have and he didn’t have his eyes closed the whole time._

_When she finally pulled away, he was looking at her completely differently. She blushed bright red and grabbed the remote, sliding sideways off of his lap with her head hanging, her hair falling as a curtain to attempt to shield her face._

_“I, uh, i got it.” She brandished the remote shyly and Bellamy laughed._

_“You know if you’d have asked, I’d’a given it to you?”_

_“No, you wouldn’t.” Clarke shook her head, not quite meeting his eyes._

_“No, I wouldn’t have. You’re right.” He laughed in agreement. He wasn’t quite sure that it was true though._

_Sure, the first time she asked, he wouldn’t have given her it. But maybe if she’d have asked again, nicely._

_He’d have put Grease back on for her._

_He’s finding that he’ll do a hell of a lot for her lately._

_Three hours later, when Aurora and Octavia came in, looking like drowned cats from the rain, Aurora offered for Clarke to stay the night. She said she’d tell Abby - Clarke could sleep in Octavia’s room, O wouldn’t mind._

_Clarke tried to protest, but Bellamy’s mother was having none of it._

_They ate pizza from the box and laughed and cheered along to a two week old football game — something that Clarke hadn’t had at home since her father died months earlier._

_Octavia showed off to her big brother’s friend-that-was-a-girl and Bellamy rolled his eyes fondly at her actions._

_Clarke smiled more than she had in a long time and Aurora was just happy to see her kids happy and interacting with others, because a mother worries._

_Then, at bedtime, Clarke has no clothes and Octavia’s won’t fit her, so that’s how she ended up sleeping in Bellamy’s shirt in the room beside his the night of her first kiss, with the images still burning in her mind._

_And Bellamy, one room over, found himself sitting in bed thinking about the girl that was just one thin wall away, giggling and telling stories to his little sister. He found himself thinking about his hands on her waist and her hands balancing herself on his shoulders. He thought about her lips and the way they fit to his - not quite perfectly, but maybe one day._

_Yeah, one day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually quite like this chapter - I think I caught the essence of awkwardness quite well if I do say so myself.   
> I just wanted to show that Bellamy and Clarke are real people (what is my life coming to) - not real, so much to say - but in this story, they're real people with real problems and sure it's gonna be awkward because they're just getting used to each other so let them be.


	9. Of all the people, places, things that I've loved

“We’re eating as a family tonight so don’t either of you eat after school or work!” Clarke calls as she says goodbye to the Blake siblings. Bellamy suppresses a chuckle but his chest lifts a little at her casual use of the word ‘family’.

“I'm going to Roma’s afters school.” Octavia called as she ran downstairs

Clarke had stayed over last night - planned, of course, for the locals. They needed people to get the talking out of the way, so people calmed down and just thought it was normal by the time social services inquired for real.

        It was the first time Clarke had stayed over since they’d announced they were ‘dating’ (as much as something can be ‘announced’ in a small town) and Clarke is sure that the local cronies will have so much to say about it today. 

She and Bellamy are as interesting as Arktown gets, as it always seemed. Their every argument was broadcast across the town bulletin board (That might be their fault, it always seemed that their voices carried so much further than anybody else’s). 

Both Blake siblings seemed to have nightmares in the night, it seemed (Clarke did, too. She just hoped neither of them noticed). Clarke stayed in Bellamy’s room, in the bed whilst he took the floor. (One of them could have gone into Aurora’s room, but it still didn’t feel right. Clarke had no idea how Bellamy lived in this house for so long alone. She couldn’t have done the same - it almost makes her regret leaving. Almost). 

         When Clarke comes home later that night to cook dinner, Bellamy is sitting on the couch waiting for her. 

“Hey, you’re in early.” She says, coming in and taking her coat off, draping it over the banister at the bottom of the stairs and looking at him curiously. 

“Yeah, uh, about that, Clarke. I wanted to talk to you.” Bellamy sighs, running a hand through his tousled curls. "I, uh, take a seat?"

“What now?” She half-groans and he laughs. "God, Bell, you sound like I'm about to be interrogated. No wonder you're training with the police, huh."

“God, I’m not that bad, am I?”

“Only sometimes.” She rolls her eyes with a laugh. “Seriously, Bell. What do you want?” 

“I, uh, I heard you - last night.” He sighs through his nose and closes his eyes. 

“Heard me what?” Clarke asks in a hesitant tone. 

“I heard you crying out, Clarke. In your sleep. For a Finn. Your ex, right? And I realised, that we don’t know anything about each other from the past 4 years.” Clarke nods slowly, eyes closed. “Finn - he died, didn’t he?” One more nod, slow and pained. “God, Clarke. I-I didn’t realise how - are you okay?” 

“Better than him.” She answers with a half smile. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bellamy asks. 

“Not - not really.” She smiles weakly. Bellamy is about to back off when she speaks again. “But you deserve - you deserve to know. Finn, uh, he was - he was a really good person. And he didn’t deserve to go the way he did.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know, but at one time, we had no secrets - remember? And these are the kinds of things that will come up in court and the interviews for Octavia. Finn, anyway, Finn - he was great. Funny, smart, gorgeous. Seriously, the type of guy you’d take home to meet the folks. Every girl in our freshman psyche class was after him. And he l- well, he liked me, I guess.” She shrugs, like she can’t imagine why (it hurts Bellamy just a little inside, to see her casual self-deprecation). “But yeah, he liked me and I liked him and he was honestly the best way to get over you - I’m sorry, but it’s true - so I went for him. We dated and we really liked each other. Like I said, he was great. And I was in love. He was that guy, you know the one. That guy who only had to smile at you and you felt like he’d given you the world.” She smiles, caught up in one million memories, all lost in translation. “Well, anyway, I really loved him. And I think - I think he really loved me, too. But then I found out he had another girlfriend - he made me the other girl, Bell. And I was so _angry._ He’d played me, and what was worse was his girlfriend, she was gorgeous and funny and nice and so smart it was ridiculous. She was training to be some kind of astrological engineer and she loved him so much - she doted on him, goddamnit and I ruined that. He swore he was in love with me and we both believed him. She gave us her blessing and we stayed friends. Finn and I - we were in love. It was enough to drive him crazy, anyway. He died for me, Bellamy.” Bellamy’s eyes flick up, meeting Clarke’s with concern. “I stood there, and I watched him die for me. I watched him be beat to death and each punch, each kick rang with the truth that it was my fault. _All my fault.”_ Bellamy opens his mouth but Clarke waves a hand. “Don’t tell me it’s not - I was there, you weren’t. What happened was - what happened was some guys attacked me,” Bellamy stiffens, his eyes widening and hand tightening on the glass of water in his hands, “Finn, well, Finn was all pro-peace, you know. Fight for the endangered animals and all that, but when he heard - when he heard and he wasn’t there with me, he went crazy. Found them and attacked them all. I knew he was going - I tried to stop him. I followed him there, later so I wouldn’t be seen. I got there to see him lying on the floor with blood all around him. I was there for him to ask me to kill him, so I did. I stuck a knife in him and said it was them. I killed him. And - and the worst part is, he _thanked_ me for it. He whispered ‘thanks, princess’ and kissed me and then he died. He _died,_ Bell. He died because of _me_ , at my hands.” Bellamy’s lips part as he surveys Clarke carefully, clearly unsure of whether to reach out or keep to himself. 

“You did what had to be done.” Bellamy says softly, because it's the only thing he can say whilst keeping his distance. “What do you want me to do for you?” There was a time when he would have swept her up and held her close to him. Then again, there was a time when he knew her better than the back of his hand.

“Just be here.” Clarke says simply. “I’m not gonna cry, Bell. Don’t worry.” She smiles bitterly. “I stopped that a while back.”

“That’s not healthy, Clarke.” He says, his concern clear in his eyes. 

“It’s the healthiest way to cope, Bell.” He doesn’t know what to say to that, so they lapse into a silence that she appreciates more than any words. 

After a while, Clarke sniffles and turns to Bellamy. “Are we gonna be okay, Bell?” 

“Hell, no, Princess.” He laughs. “We’re falling apart. But so’s everything else in the universe, so hey, at least we’re not the only ones.” She laughs along with them, and when Octavia comes in, two hours later, she finds both her guardians leaning against the couch in an amicable silence, a laugh escaping their lips every now and again.


	10. He's all I ever knew of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anybody noticed that Clarke’s hair was a little ruffled as she’d stood in the choir stands and sang with the others, nobody noticed. Her navy blue and white dress was pristine as always, despite being hastily thrown on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been so long overdue it's unbelievable and I know this is hardly an excuse but I've been having a really rough time recently and my life has been so hectic that I've barely had time to think let alone write.  
> I'm sorry guys I'll try to be better :(

_“Octavia. Bellamy.” Aurora shouted upstairs. “Hurry up! We’ll be late for Church!” Clarke was lounging on Bellamy’s bed watching him do up (struggle to do up) a dark blue tie over a crisp white shirt. She chuckled as she crossed the room, placing her hands on his shoulders to turn him around and meeting his eyes as she slid his hands from around his neck, replacing them with hers as she deftly fixed the mess he’d created. He took a sharp intake of breath, he’d been more intimate with her before (God, he’d been_ so _much more intimate with her before), but there was something so_ domesticated _about it, this._

_“What’re we going to do?” She asked him in a hushed tone. Aurora didn’t know she was over, and whilst Bellamy was sure she wouldn’t mind Clarke having stayed over, Clarke knows her own mother would have, and that would mean asking Aurora to keep a secret or else getting grounded until she hit 60. Knocking on the door pulled the two out of their staring contest as Bellamy’s eyes flickered over the direction of the doorframe instead. “One second,” He murmured, dropping a kiss to her forehead but the door was already opening and a small obnoxious voice making her way into the room._

_“Bellamy are you nearly ready? Because mom says we have to leave now and_ oh. _Hi, Clarke! Does mom know you’re here? She didn’t mention it…”_

_“No, because she doesn’t know!” Bellamy hissed at his younger sister. “And you’re not gonna tell her, are you, O?” His eyes were alight as they collided with Octavia’s._

_“What are you gonna give me for it?” Octavia demanded, hand on her hip and lips pursed. Clarke laughed softly and Bellamy glanced at her for a second before looking back over at his little sister._

_“Nothing, because if mom finds out that Clarke was here she won’t be able to come anymore and you don't want that anymore than I do.” He challenged. His sister’s eyes widened and Clarke cut in, elbowing her boyfriend out of the way._

_“Octavia, I’m sorry you have to do this,” She looked at the younger girl sympathetically. She hated asking people to do things for her, especially lie. “I’ll buy you something next time I’m out in town.” She promised. “As a gift.”_ Great, _she thought._ First, staying out of the house, now bribing a little girl to lie to her mother. What’s next? Drink? Drugs? _She almost laughed._ What I wouldn’t do for this boy…

_Octavia’s eyes rounded, because it was common knowledge in this house and out of it that Clarke came from money and any gift she would buy spontaneously would probably cost more than Bellamy could save up for for months on end._

_“You don’t have to do that.” Bellamy said quietly, his eyes flickering over Clarke’s face._

_“I want to.” She told him truthfully. “I want to do this for her - for us.” She added more quietly, but he heard and sent her a grin._

_“Do we have a deal?” Clarke asked her seriously, holding out her hand to the younger girl, who looked at it._

_“Exactly what type of present are we looking at here?” Octavia gave Clarke a toothy grin as Bellamy groaned behind her._

_“A brilliant one. Now c’mon.” Clarke pleaded, Octavia laughed and gripped Clarke’s hand, shaking it firmly. “Thank you.” Clarke breathed, and she heard Bellamy let out a breath of relief behind her, too._

_“No, thank_ you.” _Octavia giggled, skipping out of the room. “Mom!! Mom!! Guess what!! Clarke promised to buy me a present.” Bellamy’s eyes snapped up to Clarke’s in horror, gesturing to the open door that his sister had just scrambled out of._

_“Tell her I texted you or something.” Clarke said hurriedly. “Get your mom to leave!! I’ll wait five minutes after you then I’ll go, too.” Bellamy nodded and kissed Clarke once on the lips and once on the forehead._

_“Okay, Princess. I’ll see you in Church.”_

_“I am_ so _going to be late.” Clarke laughed and Bellamy rolled his eyes._

_“You’ll be fine, babe. I’ll see you later.” And then he bounded out of the room, leaving Clarke to pretend that she didn’t get a shiver up her spine every time he so much as looked at her._

***

_If anybody noticed that Clarke’s hair was a little ruffled as she’d stood in the choir stands and sang with the others, nobody noticed. Her navy blue and white dress was pristine as always, despite being hastily thrown on. (That’s the beauty of having a maid, Bellamy thought). Bellamy tried to listen to the sermon, he really did, but all he could focus on was the cupid’s bow of her upper lip and the curve of her nose, the delicacy of her side profile as she sat at the front of the church, head bowed ever so slightly in prayer._

_He watched as her head dipped just a little lower when the Priest prayed for those who couldn’t be there with them. He watched as her cheeks and ears tinted the slightest shade of pink when her eyes met his and he smirked just a little. Standing there in the middle of the crowded church, in his Sunday best (which was nowhere near as good as hers), Bellamy felt for the first time that maybe everything could be okay._

_Maybe they could outlast the storm._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Right.  
> So that was a mini (really mini, I swear the chapters get longer) insight into the background (which will be developed, don't worry). Chatper 1 will be up sometime soon, hopefully.  
> Title taken from 'Give Me Something' by Alex and Sierra. Chapter title and opening paragraph taken from the music video of 'I Knew You Were Trouble' by Taylor Swift.  
> Kudos and Comment to let me know what you think!


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